i created this blog ages ago - only problem was, i had not a clue what the hell i was doing!!  since then, got a little braver - was going to say smarter, but who knows about that! - and created a blog on wordpress.  now that one i have been doing everyday.  when i picked up my new som mag and saw the ad on the back (again) - i realized that i could probably now figure out how to do this in here as well.  slow learner?? hmmmm

so, today i am leaving for santa rosa where i will be a vendor at a quilt show.  that is 'what i do' - well, it is how i earn money, i guess.  what i 'do' is create applique patterns, which i sell at quilt shows.  it is my way of attempting to contribute beauty - no, of providing a way for others to create beauty for themselves.  it feels like what i am supposed to be doing given my belief that without beauty we would 'die'.  i would like to include an image to show what i do, but i am on my new laptop and have none on file here.  that picture that is my 'logo' is one of 'my' designs.  i qualify that because my first set of patterns is a series of my interpretations of the ancient japanese family crest designs.  and that one is the ginko.  it was the first, and may still be the most popular.  i have done it in many different fabrics/colors.  i do have a webpage - for anyone curious  www.artfulllyapplique.com

all of that sounds a little like drivel(sp?) when i read the things on the back of the magazine.  those sound more like the pages of my journal - and i'm not used to putting those thoughts so out there as this.  have shared within the context of a (spiritual) class only.  plan is to share more here. ^_^  but, today - time to get on the road.
cheers,
j

ok, looks like this is going to work today.  it didn't yesterday.  and the truth is, working is what i am supposed to be doing!
i rather like that title, today - BIG question, huh!?  can i change the world??  well, i believe i can - only not like taking on some of the big projects i read about in here!  i believe that each person changes the world everytime they change their own thinking.  i'm a big fan of the "100th monkey theory"!  ^_^  and so, each day i learn something new, choose a new way of being or interacting, refuse to be dragged down a dark path by my negative thoughts, etc etc  - i contribute.  i add just a little more positive energy and someday the balance is going to shift!
and in keeping with by belief that without beauty we would die - each day i do what i can to contribute beauty, to appreciate the beauty i see right outside my window right now!!  sunshine on the green leaves and lovely oleander flowers!  and the birds singing, and the baby plums weighing down the branches of that tree.  so now i must get back to the nuts and bolts - cutting the fabric for the kits for my patterns which i will be selling this weekend - the kits/patterns that give other folks an opportuinity to create their own beauty!!

hmm, thought i could insert a picture here - guess i don't know how to do that.  don't see an upload button.  oops, there it is!  i guess ya just can't choose where they go??

yesterday i received something from my cousin - a person who lives clear on the other side of this big country.  and someone i haven't seen since i lived on that coast in the early 80's.  they were simple pages that our uncle had written toward the end of his life.  he called them journal pages - but they are not like what i do every day.  these were the beginnings of his gathering of info in order to write something more like a book - to leave for all of us who came/come after, i guess.  (this uncle is the brother of both our mothers).  reading those pages had a big emotional effect on me.  it was more than finding out names i didn't know.  or that my grandfather was NOT born in ireland - but in kentucky.   good grief, talk about an image shatterer!  hillbilly vs iris rogue.   now i AM from cincinnati, ohio - about as close to hillbilly country as you can get!!  and i do rather like my feet bare. ^_^
part of the emotional part was the reading of those pages and finding out so much about all those people i would call family, put some big holes in my current 'persona' - well, in fact, it first had me realize exactly what that persona was - a 'where i come from' (and i don't mean ohio) thing - my whole way of being in the world!  that "loner" thing.  yes, i have siblings - all significantly younger than i - so i never quite got over being and 'only child'.  my father died when i was 10, and my mother when i was 27 - so since then, i have also played the orphan role.  what little family there was all lived 'far away', and there wasn't much contact.  so just forgot i had family - in a subtle way.  not like i denied their existence out loud.  none of this did i realize i was doing.
all of this took a much deeper cut in my journaling this morning.  i will get to that in the next post, cause if i put it here - this will get much longer than anyone would want to read, i think.  not that herds of people are reading these anyway. ^_^  and now i see something in that lower bar that leads me to believe this won't even post.  drat.  we give it a try anyway.
love and beauty,
j

it has taken me a couple of days to decide to do this.  still not sure, but here goes (just in case anyone comes here to read this) ^_^   these are the words i wrote in my journal that came from the emotions i was feeling with regard to 'family' etc. (per the previous post)

the following words are written to me, in my journaling a couple of days ago.

i just realized that being reminded that i am not 'alone' as a human - that even an "orphan" had parents who had 'stories', etc - reminds me that i am not ALONE - i am not separate - not from them nor from God - whatever 'God' is!
as i read my daily guide the other day and the pronoun 'it' was used instead of 'he', i had my first real experience of God as something other than some super, super human (in the sky?)  yes, intelletually i have long 'believed' God is not that, and is more like an all pervasive energy, etc etc.  however - until that 'feeling' the other day, whenever i would think about God (or try to imagine it) as the "energy" - i would experience a sense of more aloneness rather than 'comfort'.  a part of me really does want a big daddy in the sky!  not too surprising for one whose daddy died at an early age (33)!  for just an instant (?) the other day, i felt God as the energy we call Love.  at least that is how i would describe it.  feelings are experiences - words are only descriptions, at best.  and always contain some degree of judgement/evaluation - no matter how subtle.  even, (as werner would say) - "the truth believed is a lie"!  because a belief is spoken/exists in words.  the Truth just IS.  can not be 'spoken'.  only Now is real.  words can only speak of what has passed - or what ytou are hoping/dreading will come.  by the time you have finished the word 'now', you are referring to a past moment! 
so - why talk at all??  well, first off, you may be able to 'hold your tongue', but just try shutting down that chatter 'in your head'!  i mean, do those who 'go into the silence' really get there?  damn few of us 'normal' folks is my guess. ^_^  for the rest of us - i'd say the goal might be to stay conscious of what we say and think (and thus create in our lives)!  to not allow our lives to be created by our unconscious, habitual thoughts.  thoughts are 'things' - things that are pregnant with all the power of the Universe - the CREATIVE power - the power that can not be denied, can only CREATE - and only as directed - and your thought provides the direction - period.
my ego is in a bit of a quandry here.  back & forth - oh, let's put this on the blog.  this is so great, etc etc.  then, OH NO, don't!!  what if someone writes to tell you how 'wrong' you are.  best to keep it within these pages and feeling like great insight.   and so it is for me.  does it matter that is is for someone else(or not)!??  to my ego it surely does!
and so goes the GAME of life! ^_^

have nothing inspirational to write - just wanted to keep this blog current/active.  it is fathers' day, and while i wish my son a restful day - i still must ask him to help me with the non-functioning hot water heater. grrrr.  we replaced elements and controls after the previous ones fried themselves.  well, one of the control boxes.  the elements looked plenty corroded, so we replace them both.  now either the breaker also got damaged or something else on the heater??  whatever it is, there is not a trace of warmth in that water.
i have spent the past 3 days working in the yard and i am please with the results.  while to the 'untrained' ^_^ eye it may still look pretty 'rustic' out there - i can tell you it is much 'cleaner'.  9 years worth of big oak leaves, (big) pine needles and huge pinecones have been cleared from alongside this cottage.  and there is now a layer of river rock in the area just in front of the little porch.  it's a wonderful thing, river rock.  yes, looks rather like normal driveway 'gravel', but 'feels' much different!  and there are not the sharp edges.  and lots of good energy. ^_^  i am a water person.  no, not a swimmer or boater.  just need to be around (moving) water every now and then.
so, happy father's day to everyone.
love and beauty
j

i am finding it a fine and difficult line to walk - that one between allowing my feelings and emotions to be, and wallowing in some kind of negative junk.  or maybe wondering when i am doing which????  just noticing that no amount of yardwork/progress/physical activity is having much effect on whatever it is that keeps eating at me.  some to do with the family stuff.  maybe it's the father's day thing - touching my truth and sadness around the whole father issue.  my family a little short of father's (as in alive and present), period.  a tradition i carried forward for my son.  at least he broke that one for HIS kids.
oh well, this too shall pass and i am doing my best to gather what i can from it to move myself forward on the journay to health, wealth and wellbeing. ^_^  or should i say :)
love and beauty

in a rush to get out the door to go be 'professional' again - applique day at my local favorite quilt shop.  i go hang out on 1st and 3rd mondays so people can come in for advice/help etc.
thought i would post a picture or that (still) non-functioning hot water heater - and some of the now much nicer 'yard'.  and the dump rescue chair that is about to become sunny yellow.  it got blasted with the power washer yesterday, so ready for primer today.  only had that yellow paint for about 4 years.  ya just can't rush into these things. ^_^
all the teens are home - so we all went out for a father's day dinner.  tom and i split the tab and i handled the tip.  neither of us could really afford it, but, what the heck.  keep the energy flowing, i say!! ^_^  i mean, i just might let go and let that webpage earn some money!!
ok, the first time i inserted a picture, it just got put at the top.  will see what happens now. hmm, howcome there is a way to insert videos in a particular position and not 'stills'????

not liken this system - in wordpress i can insert the pictures right here in the text - and weave my words around it.

oh well, gotta go.  about to be (my usual) late again.

love and beauty  (despite how that heater looks) ^_^

thought i would just add a nicer picture, spread a little natural beauty around - for anyone who happens this way.  flowers and sunshine - how divine. 

i have just come in from putting primer on the underside of that little wooden chair.  probably not the best weather for painting outdoors - paint was gathering in the brush.  however, even more disturbing was the nearly constant sound of circling airplanes.  And the screaming sirens in the background.  for those of you who do not live in 'fire country' - as i will call it - those are very scary sounds.  of course i had seen many pictures of fires in california.  as i recall, my uncle dick and aunt mae lost their home while living out here.  none of that quite got thru to this ohio girl.  i mean, back there - a fire was something go watch if it was anywhere near. 
well, it was either the first or second summer here when there was a fire very closeby.  as the crow flies (and fires travel) it was probably no more than a city block away.  due to lots of trees and a small hill or two - i/we never did see flames.  we did, however, see lots of smoke and get to experience those water laden planes flying right over our heads - along with the one that just keeps circling to keep an eye on all the surrounding area.  and we had the kids down the hill patroling for any smoldering leaves as the result an errant spark - and they found a couple!  an approaching fire can certainly make one feel totally helpless.
so, it has the potential to be a bad summer in the fire category.  extra dry.  by the time i finished painting, the planes had left and only a helicopter remained circling in the area - a little to the south.  all is quiet again now.  hopefully it was only an open field, and not someone's home.  hard to imagine that kind of loss - even if it is only 'stuff'.

love and beauty,
j

before i go out to finish the primer on that chair, i thought i would post the other picture i had planned to put in with the pitiful water heater picture.  oh, and today i will be going to purchase a new heater.  we have given up.  so, wasted a lot of time and money - could have just done this to begin with - 'only' about $200 to replace.  good thing i have shows next month! ^_^
this picture is of my 'yard' and in the distance, the mound garden that was once a junk pile - which finally decomposed enough and i found just enough 'new' dirt in my composter to cover it and plant flowers, last year.  the black eyed susan plant is doing its best to come back - we shall see.  i haven't planted as many flowers this year - the deer munched most of them last year.  it was toward the end of the season when the deer returned - had been gone for a while.  the new home depot construction really destroyed a lot of their habitat and disrupted their usual roaming patterns.  right now i'm only seeing a solitary young buck in this yard/property.  have seen others - just not as many as before.  he, or others?, have munched some of the petunias planted near the big house! 
ok, off to paint
love and beauty

have you ever seen a brighter, happier yellow?  can't wait till it's all finished and i can sit and have my morning yogurt in such a happy place. ^_^

and here is how it looks 'in place'.  did use it this morning while having my breakfast. 
well, how 'bout that!  i finally noticed there is an insert button for pics as well.  sometimes it just takes me awhile, i guess.  it just takes a little longer with old dogs. ^_^

while i knew i needed to attend to preparations for the class this saturday, i also decided i wanted to kind of let the day flow - not be too rigid with my 'to do' list. and that resulted in my heading out with the oleander drawing cause it needed some editing, so to speak.  the first blossom i had drawn that day had 6 petals.  didn't think about it till i moved to the second blossom.  only 5 petals on that one.  hmmm.  i kept looking and was certain there were, indeed, 6 petals - not just one turned over, or something.  however - today i could find no trace of a blossom with 6 petals!  so, i erased that first one and headed back out for take 2.  i also added some additional leaves and a half-open blossom.  here is the current version - we'll see it it's the final one once i trace it to have a clean copy and attempt to number the pieces - in order of application when sewing them on. (as in applique)  this will be an addtion to the nearly nouveau series - as will be the cyclamen that is also awaiting final 'editing', etc. 
i really do need to do fewer shows next year - to allow for more design time.  however, if the webpage doesn't pick up the slack - well, you know - bills to pay!  that's what happens when you purchase a motorhome and begin buying fabric like you know what you're doing!  yikes!  Trust - that's the operative word here these days!!!

oops, forgot to make that one small.
ok, now it's time to sort notions and count spools of thread.  good think i like numbers as well as art. ^_^

i have now completed everything i said i wasn't going to do today - in addition to the things i DID plan to do - and when i sat down here to fire up the computer, it was just after 11:30!!! 
had one of 'those' nights - awoke about 1:30 and finally gave up sometime after 3:00.  by 5:00 i had finished the remaining work work i needed to do to be ready for the class.  the birds were beginning to awaken and there was a hint of light - i considered going back to bed, then just made my coffee, fed critters and sat down to journal instead.  once i had finished that, i read for awhile.  still not sleepy. soooo
headed up to begin the screen door project.  now i have to tell you, my screen door was just plain disgusting shabby.  (no 'chic' about it!!)  there was more packing tape and open space than screen, i think.  yes, mr pepe thought it was done just for him (actually mostly done BY him!)  my buddy erv had come over yesterday to build the platform for the new 'shelter' in which the extra refridgerater is going to sit - but that's another story. ^_^  he took the door off for me.  the hinge pins were not ones that could be removed, so had to remove the hinge from the doorframe.  we carried it up to the big house so i could use the flat surface of the carport when i got ready to install the new screening.
well, when my son came home, he promptly moved it to the 'junk pile' - all the stuff removed from the old kitchen, etc.  just go buy a new one, says he - only $38 at h.d.  hey, nothing wrong with this one - butt ugly, yes.  but fits right in with everything else about this cottage!  and fully functional (with new screening), latch fits strike plate, board at the bottom discourages lizards, etc.  ^_^
so, up i went while it was still cool - even verging on chilly, then.  got the old (what was left of it) screen out and discovered the new, pet strength screening was thicker and neither the spline i removed nor the new stuff would fit in the slot.  aaarrrgh.  off to h.d. - in dirty t-shirt and flannel pj-type pants.  hey, i'm workin' here!  don't look any worse than those contractors!  back home (whew, didn't see anyone i knew), and on the third attempt, managed to get the first edge in straight enough to keep going.  carried it back down and reinstalled it - all by myself!!!  a few minutes ago, i went to hang a rag on the raling to dry and came close to slamming my hand into the screen - i really was used to that big hole there! ^_^  i wish i had taken a before picture, as it would make this one so much more impressive - but, for the sake of posterity - here it is anyway. ^_^

guess i wasn't standing straight.  it doesn't really lean. ^_^  and here's the platform and the hot water heater progress.
was hoping i could put pics side by side, guess not.
well, it's out of the van and close to where it goes.  that IS progress. ^_^
more later!

love and beauty

the end of month is bearing down upon us once again, and so - once i had completed my journaling and read my daily guide in the science of mind magazine - i leafed thru it to make sure i had read all the articles.  first i found the one about getting out of debt - for some reason hadn't read that one. hmmmm   certainly not because i didn't 'need' to ^_^   then i perused the interview with brian - yes, i had read that one.  however, as i reread the first few question & answers, i realized i had completely 'missed' what he had said with regard to this site being a place to get  'help'/be supported with regard to doing what  i love AND making a living while doing it. (i can tell this is rather confronting stuff for me to write cause i find myself making lots of typing errors!  or maybe my fingers are just too cold and sleepy?)
you see, i have been feeling almost 'guilty' about having my webpage address within my profile - blatant advertising??  i mean, this is a page about spirituality and changing the world - not about self-promotion. 
and then there was the one page 'article' with the title "you are important" and this:
"perhaps if we gave up thinking that some skills and talents are more important than others, we might begin to see the fabulous wonder of the universe.  for instance, is someone who can write a good book more important that the person who reads that book to a child?  is the influential politician expressing more of God's love than the woman  who creates a lovely garden that delights the senses of her neighbors, and also provides a habitat for birds?
if we can begin to accept our own significance, we can begin to discover the unique way that we each contribute to making the world a better place"
can that possibly include something as 'insignificant' as an applique pattern???  if i am authentic in my speaking - it must.  as in, the speaking of my purpose and my beliefs. 
and here come the tears, again.  is that my soul crying?  tears of joy that it may at last be getting free?  hopefully not just tears of remorse over 'time lost'!  or of resignation that it doesn't matter what the insight - i won't be able to live it anyway. 
i know it's just a matter of choice - which choice must somehow withstand the onslaught of my deeply imbedded (core?) and ancient 'false' belief that 'no matter what i do, it's never enough'.  a battle waged every moment, it seems.
so i will speak here, the choice of joy and renewed committment to what i 'do' - my committment to beauty.
on a lighter note, i will report the class a complete success. i didn't count, but i think it was full (20) and as far as i know - everyone was 'happy' when they left.  lots of thanks for what they had gotten out of the class.  and i sold a few patterns/kits.  ^_^  and got invited to participate in their quilt show (as a vendor) next year.  life is good.

love and beauty!
j

the awning is up - life is good! ^_^  this is not a real, store bought fancy (or even eye appealing/pretty) awning.  it is my own design and construction - of the black plastic pipe used for 'outgoing/waste' water.  had to use that and not pvc, cause pvc doesn't come in the "Y" shape i needed.  it doesn't stay together so well on its own - i need to use some of the glue, just have never bought any - or even thought about till this year (maybe?)  bobbie came to lend me a hand with the fabric installation part and told me woody has lots of the glue - if i had thought to mention it on the phone.  heck, by then i already had the frame up and secured (?) ^_^ with duct tape.  the fabric is attached with a combination of velcro and duct tape.  do i really care how it looks?  does anyone but me see it?? NO.  and i do love not having to use those stupid blinds - and i love the much lower temperature in here.
so here it is
not to worry - home and garden will not be coming any time soon. ^_^

love and beauty

i am so enjoying the luxury of hot water!  i think i forgot to post that the new tank got installed on sunday - took most of dear son tom's day.  i am deeply grateful.  we even put a new latched door on its little house - no more prying off boards to gain access for
servicing'. ^_^  paint job is next.

now isn't that a lovely sight.  and another shot of the wonderful awning in all its silver glory.  i can report that both are serving me quite well!
















and here is the fridge safely placed on its platform and now humming away - with a freezer full of goodies, tho not much in the main part.  right now there is an extension cord that runs back alongside the house, thru a window, back along the inside of the same wall, across the entry and plugs into the outlet on the range.  ok, not your ideal setup - and temporary until we can add the necessary wiring and breaker.  no, we don't have rain here during the summer, so we're good for awhile.  and, yes, there will be walls and cover added - along with a second platform in front of it so i don't have to walk in the dirt (mud).  i'm sure this all seems rather weird to some, but i am feeling very luxurious at the moment.

oh, and 'bird' - he came here with me, from ohio.  he's from the gallery i owned, in lebanon, ohio (turtle creek gallery).  it was a fine art and contemporary american hand crafts gallery and bird stood outside, in the entryway each day - to greet you as you entered. ^_^   he's a little worse for wear these days.  i decided one day i would make him more colorful - like the later work of this same artist (i have 3 more of his pieces in my bedroom)  however, once i had the purple on the wings, i kind of 'froze' - my old "i can't" conversation took over, and that is how he has remained for a few years now. :(  and the beat goes on

love and beauty

for some reason, the other day, i realized i had left a very favorite book off my list.  ok, it was my favorite more than a half century ago (OMG, am i really that old?!)  however, the memory of how much i had loved the book "The Little Engine That Could" got me to wondering just what the hell happened.  i mean, given how much i loved and read that book, (or had it read to me???), how in the world did i ever decide to have a loud voice in my head screaming   "i can't" .  i still don't know the answer. hmmm, did it ever really stop me, i mean, if it was important??  guess i'd have to think about it a lot more.  it was a voice i became aware of at 'the 6-day' - on the ropes course.  at the end of the one where you pulled yourself across a canyon while hanging face up/horizontal to the rope - at the end it was an uphill pull - and tough.  i just kept yelling "i can't" (that inner voice on loud speaker, so to speak).  yet, all the while, i was actually 'doing it' and did, obviously ^_^ get to the other side.
 however, as i was writing this, i also realized that one sure way to get me to do something is to tell me i can't.  does that make any sense?
well, i think i do know where the second one came from - and it's kind of related to my declaration one day (when my mother was doing her normal controlling,harsh, restricting "discipline" routine )that - "when i grow up no one will EVER tell me what to do again".  it is amazing what THAT declaration produced in my life!!  some good, some, not so much!

do i have a picture to include today - for the sake of beauty, perhaps?  let me go look. ^_^
how's that?!  sunset on the oregon coast - i think this was my first real vacating in the rv.  i had gone up 'on business' and just decided to hang out a couple of extra days.  parked right there, just 'steps' from the beach!

love and beauty

no, not the movie.  the secret of getting responses - i mean, i just read the email about the couple who met here and of course had to visit his blog.  10 friends in 10 days!  so, is the secret  just 'putting it out there'?  i mean, making a request in a blog?  and trusting someone will read the blessed thing.  ok, according to the numbers at the bottom there, some folks have been reading these blurbs from my wandering mind.    prehaps the question really is - am i ready for a dialog, as opposed to the monolog i have been having???
some time ago i did receive an invitation from john to become part of a pod.  i let that one sit for several days.  then, when i did type a resonse, i managed to lose everything i had typed by deciding to go visit his profile before posting.  with that clever manuever, i just quit.  and haven't gone back to try again.  first of all, ok, here's a question for ya - what the hell is a pod?  i think i can figure out it's a collection of like-minded people.  so, that means my real question is - how does it 'work'?  what happens when i 'join'?  anyone???

love and beauty